Friday, December 23, 2011

Verbs Can!


Walk the longest walk which has no destination;
Rest like a corpse that needs no air;
Drink too much to quench thirsts of many lives;
Eat to the fullest to feed every human being;
Read every book so that my final breathing ends with a book;
Think and think a lot so that my mind bursts with thinking;
Sing songs that have nothing to worry even to lose my vocal;
Help everyone till I become useless to myself;
Give up everything I have till my feeling of giving vanishes;
Make everyone happy so I don’t need to find happiness;

Verbs can am afraid if I can or can't?

Monday, December 12, 2011

Never meant...



Your words can't heal the space of your bruises
and your love can't heal those pains and hurts
Days of cries and tears of mine
have made an ocean altogether

Just because it happened to be me
I would rather be me and comfort myself
I would smile and make myself happy
to shine along with the morning sun

Who stays by my side and who goes
won't bother me anymore
but I am sure that you are in that list of goers
who can't, who simply can't stay near to me 

Time is time after all, it will tell
with whom I should be and shouldn't  be
time did help me realize sooner than later
that you were never meant for me

Your words can't heal the space of your bruises
and your love can't heal those pains and hurts
Let bygones be bygones and let me tell you again
'You were never meant for me in the first place'


Saturday, December 10, 2011

One foggy morning...


Walking to a new place every morning has become a routine for me. Unlike other days, I went with my friend, to a distant walk. It was all foggy and cold. Nevertheless, with our pace, we hardly felt the cold forcing us inside our very bones.
The destined location for this morning was somewhere far, remote and uphill. We walked starting from seven-thirty. On our return, we felt like we ought to drink our morning tea. There were lots of small restaurants in every hooks and corners available. We went to a small restaurant as our final choice. We really wanted to grab something to eat but not today, because both of us have forgotten to bring in enough cash. So we decided to leave with tea only. While he was making good cups of hot tea, my friend played music through her cell phone……

Then he was there, right before us. Just opposite to the restaurant we were having tea, working in a restaurant. Oh boy! A working man! From the good one meter distance, I can see that he was in his early twenties and good-looking. A man working in family restaurant wasn’t just an everyday sight to see. He was making ‘roti’ with his hands. Measuring the dough size and then shaping out for round rotis. His face didn’t show hesitancy. I kept on watching him make two to three rotis. He really didn’t mind to make some more.
The stillness of my body and the calmness of my mind tend to forgot what my friend was playing beside me, as if silence has silenced everything around us.
And he might have side saw us because he tilted his head little to our side and I instantly looked somewhere else. Gosh! My eyes were quick enough and my heart sank with relief. Again, I kept on looking and looking him with wonders and amazement.  Just then, a woman saw us. And I saw she was looking at me in my eyes. Her eyes were talking, ‘How dare you to look at my son?’ So I put down my eyes with some guilt. After that I really didn’t dared to look at him.

This is a poem for me and for him happened on one foggy morning.

Many men may come across in your life
But rare, good ones are hard to see, find and get
The man you saw today is just a passing by stranger
Who would leave his imprints in your mind and heart
And nothing more will be remembered than that…..

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Waiting Fool(not anymore)-3



Her dream never came true! Spring bloomed and cherished with their closeness, togetherness and friendliness. Summer, autumn and winter went speedily. They shared their hidden secrets, personal emotions and true feelings with each other. Then there were all those regular talks on phone and they talked for so long so that when their friends wanted to call them, the phone responded ‘Busy Network’ so they were called BNC-Busy Network Couple. But they just weren’t love couple yet.

The time she knew him was late summer and now its near to spring. The colorful calendar next to her showed the month, February. The month of lovers and love finally was here. Her phone ring toned ‘One in a million’ when it was 00:01.

 ‘Hell-ooo’, she yawned.
‘I l-o-v-e you!’ answered an active voice from the other end.
It’s him she thought. I may mishear others’ voice but his voice is unmistaken. He has those compelling and convincing voice unlike any other men. It’s him! Him…….
‘Uh-uh……’ She was lost into those three words.
‘I love you. I know it sounds cheesy, but I am in love with you.’
She was totally lost.
‘Hey! Are you gonna kill me with nervousness?’
‘What? No! I mean yee-yess………..I have been in love with you. Unknowingly, I am madly and completely in love with you. I can’t believe what you’ve just said. Is it for real? I mean did I hear it right?’
Her voice trembled and shook little with joy. Joy-trembling voice.
‘Yes, that’s what I just said. I am ignorantly, childishly and crazily in love with you.’
‘I still can’t believe you said that.’
‘I love you. Dear, I can’t promise you to be there with you 24/7 but you can count on me as I’ll always be there right next to you when you need me. I can’t promise you with bringing down stars and moon for you but I’ll always try to bring smile on your face. I can’t guarantee you that we won’t argue but we will argue because arguments will make us stronger.’

After that call, she couldn’t sleep well. No, she couldn’t sleep at all! She was too happy to fall asleep and her bad dream never turned into reality. She was waiting fool but now she is not waiting. Her wait is finally over. She wasn’t fool after all to wait for the man who looked terrific in black.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Waiting Fool 2


‘Is it alright to feel that way? Waiting for a man she just knew; is my wait worthy?’ she thought.
He is a man who is par excellence for an average looking and a lost girl like her. He is too good a person.
‘Is my curious heart gone crazy to develop such feelings towards him? How well do I know him? One month on net and another month of talks. Am I moving too fast on the track?’
Lost in her thoughts, she thought of the times when she chatted with him on net and in person. He did look like a caring person.
Just then, her laptop made a tiny sound like ‘teed’ and showed what she has been wishing for. HE IS ONLINE! A “shocking surprise” is always nerve-wrecking for her: a time when you are thinking about a person and all of a sudden that person shows off. Her lazy waiting fingers typed hurriedly.
‘Hey’
‘Hi’
‘How are you? Long time huh?’
‘Yap, some private matters to be taken care of’
‘Good news to ring a bell?’
‘Hell, yes; eager to unveil the super good news to you, dear.’
Ooh, he wrote dear. She smiles to herself. Dear……….
‘I am ready. Go shoot your target to the curiosity me.’
‘The thing is…….I proposed a girl today.’
He proposed someone. Proposed? Proposed? He loved someone else.
It took a while for her to compose.
‘You there……?’
A minute of silence passed by.
‘Cuckooooooo……you there?’
‘Sorry. Extremely sorry, was busy with another thing. Wow, that’s a good news. What’s the response?’
‘Obviously…… yes. Does anyone dare say no to me? LOL’
‘True. No one will say no for a guy like you.’
‘Guy like me, huh? Say, if I proposed you, would you be accepting my proposal?’
I would have gone wild, crazy and mad all together if you have proposed me instead. Please tell me you got the wrong girl. Please let it be me in her place. Please let it be me….
‘Of course. As you said you are hard to resist. :)
‘Its late. Got to go. Got some plans in the morning.TC!’
Late. How late was I waiting for you? Late and waiting, late and waiting………
‘Ok.Tc.’
  
She couldn’t sleep after that. She cried in low voice so that she won’t wake sleeping people. She sobbed. She cried all those two good years of tears. Two years of jammed tears. Oh boy! At that moment she came to realize that she hasn’t cried for two years. Two complete years! Thinking of that alone made her cry even more. She couldn’t sleep. When she was half getting into sleep after the long cry, she dreamt of him. In her dream he introduced her to his girl and talked all about her beauty and how wonderful she was. When she woke up, she cried and cried till her alarm clock rang thrice, waking her up.
Her clock showed 6:00. She checked her pillow case and it was all drenched and soaked wet, and has a terrible cloud shape. She was trying to gather up a little, she made her hair and looked in the mirror. Her eyes were red and wet from crying continually.  Then she realized she hasn’t use Facebook because her laptop was in no-use state for 2 days. She smiled. It was just a dream. Bad dream and she must have cried in her dream. She was more than just happy because all her life, her dreams have never turned into reality. Not till now. Whatever happens, she said to herself, I will wait for him; for a man who commented on how beautiful my eyes were and for the man who looked terrific in black. I will forever remain his waiting fool…..

Monday, December 5, 2011

Waiting Fool


The same wait was yesterday. 1…….2………3…….. hours have passed by. 3 hours have swept without him. Without him, her waiting seemed like eternal. She waited like a hungry tigress for a prey. He never showed up nor did he come. On Facebook, she was hooked and glued totally. It was showing ‘he’s offline’ and no one can tell how much she wished if the blank space of unavailability changes to a green dot. And it was giving an evil laugh as if telling her that she has been a fool waiting and staying up all night.
 It’s 12:01 on her laptop, a time that defines past and present as yesterday and today. She hates to stay late nights because she is too weak to handle the morning headache afterwards. She is a morning person. The wait for him; tonight and yesterday night meant everything for she is accepting the later pain. Waiting for that first man who commented on how beautiful her eyes were. He said, ‘You’ve got the most beautiful eyes, I have ever seen’. She hasn’t realized she has got beautiful eyes until his words hit her ears. For a man, who is just not her ideal type she is all ready to take the morning headache, waiting and waiting.
He has made her realize so many things and evoked a grand emotion called love inside her. He is enchanting, charming and mesmerizing. She has been waiting for the same man who looked terrific in black. She has been a big time pretender because whenever he is near she pretends ‘she doesn’t’ but in reality she FAINT and FALL completely when he is nearby. Her heart raced to win all other hearts. It speeds up so much so that sometimes, she got dazed and has to rest a little and breathe in air to calm. Tonight the fool is waiting for the man, 12:01 the clock read.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

LOST in myself

Heavy, heavier and its getting just too heavy
a burden too heavy for a small and fragile being to hold
the pain is pinning me hard and harder on my nerves, hurting terribly
and squeezing all there has been left-'the life in me'

I am all drenched with pain and fears from top to bottom
Can I possibly reach the destined path of my life?
I don't want to get lost all by myself; lost and alone
with no one by my side to help me out little at a time

Can I ask for a little love, care and warmth of hope?
Little of everything; motherly love and fatherly care
Brother’s advices and sisterly talks-bits of everything humane
Otherwise my body would tremble with cold and will die frozen

Losing my way even after knowing the right directions
and losing those beloved because I am an unaware reckless
trying to close my eyes just to ensure I see nothing bad
but all I can feel is darkness grasping and engulfing me by and by

I am not seeing myself and have never seen in the world of 
fighters, survivors and achievers 
rather its very difficult for me to fit into their world easily
because they say people like me don’t deserve to be in it

What has remained, the faith- the little faith in me is fading with time 
the only hope I have is vanishing with my footsteps
But I will strive and try to survive, who the hell comes my way
what happens if I don't win, what will lose if I am lost in myself

I am going to survive all that tortures of unacceptable darkness
all that bad energy chaining me up, what if I am alone
I am at least alive to fight against and I will keep fighting
till the battle stays and as long as my bones and blood remains



When Krystal and Tisdale meet

 
Her first meeting had an appealing impression. As if she is an expansive part, long lost soul. She liked her instantly. Everything about her explains how similar they were. Both of them; not too tall, fairly same age, fall under the same category ‘little-over-weight’, owner of good thick glasses and speak with almost no hesitation. It was like looking in a mirror and seeing an image. They were nearly alike in physical build. Nevertheless, the fact tells a different story. Both weren’t twins. Not even sisters or cousins. They were friends. Friends. Newly met and newer to each other’s world of sharing secrets and opening up everything. She is glad and very happy to have met Krystal.
Even though Krystal resembled Tisdale in many ways, Krystal was mentally and emotionally stronger. With divorced parents, she lived with her uncle. She told Tisdale that she doesn’t feel sad. ‘My father is remarried and my mother too got a second husband. I am good with my life. Moving ahead with no regrets. Love my life to the fullest.’ Her sayings alone win Tisdale’s fragile heart. She came to win. She is a winner. She admired her openness to every inch of her short hair. Tisdale is a single parent child, flawed and too messed up in random thoughts. She is lost within her whirlpool of thoughts. People say she is easy-going and frank, in a society where girls with sealed lips exist and shy ones are common in sight. It is her who knows that she is sad inside and she alone knows she is set in an unknown journey to find herself- the true self.
A place where people love to dance and sing happiness as much as they could but a slight unhappiness is just too much to be taken care of. People live and die second by second in that place. Can they survive? The two new girlfriends, newly met and newer to each other’s world, can they live alongside each other together to share more of their worlds?  Do you think Krystal will win over everything like always or will Tisdale find her lost self before they have to leave that place?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Incredible Discovery!


Two days had flown by. I missed my morning exercises but fortunately was able to make time for my morning walks. Gosh! I really have become morning person. I love morning the most, nowadays. Today with the fixed plan to visit Kopan Nunnery with Father Joe and sister Peltso, I wake up at 5:30 and I didn’t clean myself up. Instead, I stayed in my bed covered with warm blankets and putting my not-so-good-owl-like eyes into the remaining pages of Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murami. For some good reasons, I wasn’t able to finish it on time yet I was all too happy to not have finished. It was so much fun to read. For over a week, the novel made me feel happy. My source of laughter laid in that.
The nuns were just finishing their shares of breakfast when the grand entry was made. I felt real bad as though the crafted walls were echoing- ‘you are late, you are late!!…….’. After we sat for prayers, they started praying. We were served with breakfast too; tea, roti,peanut butter and tomato sauced pickle. I know the monastery must have used almost similar ingredients to that of home. I was wronged and doubted little with the taste. The breakfast was appetizingly holy. Even now, at this hour of night the taste is lingering in my mouth and my tummy is singing hungry songs.

Buddhist nuns shave their heads and as I was looking through the number of shaved heads trying to count. There were nuns of different ages but all BEAUTIFUL! But I felt sad for them. I have got hairs, they didn’t. I was flaunted into modern wears, they were covered in red robes. I wore earrings, theirs weren’t even holed. I felt very sad. But as time crawled by with their chantings, I felt relieved. As if all my tensions, sadness and doubts weren’t there in me anymore. Like those writings on beach carried away by sea silently, swiftly and beautifully. My soul was calmed with them praying together.

I came to know at that instant; I was wrong! I am the one who supposedly should be sad not them. They are living a life away from everything. Away from family matters, far from sufferings and isolated from everything yet owning every ounce of happiness deserved. I envy them. Living a simple life studying prayers and memorizing what has been taught; following the same pattern, every day yet over again is more simple than mine. They have lesser problems and tensions swarming in their heads. Good old school days were like that.

Finally, at the end we went to prostrate. We offered scarf to holy pictures of lamas and made wishes. I also made wishes, two to be exact. Until last year, my wishes were mostly about my well beings but for a year now, my wishes have gotten changed. It was hard to believe in the changed self. Wanted to know, what I wished for? I wished for all sentient beings’ happiness and peace prevailed all over the world. Those were the wishes for a year now and nothing more than that slips from my mouth. I am not showing off in here. I am more than amazed to discover this new changed self in me...


NORWEGIAN WOOD


Norwegian Wood didn't ring a bell in my thoughts when Tsewang handed over the white-covered book. Now, if I returned him, its going to look like a second hand novel bought from a secondhand book shop. Most of the times, I am good with caring novels but this extra-white-and-over-300-pages novel failed to get my proper care. Another reason for its bad state could be mine little-too-busy-bee-life which made me carry it for almost a week. I felt deeply sorry for him. *ashamed*

This novel by Harukami Murakami touched my mentality to my nerves. I have almost forgotten how he used to make descriptions in writings. I am only 6 months old to his world of fiction. Sputnik Sweetheart was my first read and Norwegian Wood stands proudly on the second. I am looking forward in reading more of his works.



Norwegian Wood
I didn’t get the picture of what the name meant. Later on, as I was discovering and searching the answer, literally it took me by surprise. The name is being taken from a song by Beatles with the same title. Truly, I have never listened to Beatles. 

Mind and Mentality
The characters differ vastly from a person to other as happened with every novel. But what surprised me most is that every character (women) resembled me in one way or the other. When I was going through the novel, I was exploring myself. Deep, deeper and to such an extent; I was questioning myself with doubts of can I be like that sometimes. 

Overall experience
When I completed reading this book, one thought that still lingered my mind was HUMOR. Are you surprised? You would probably think I am little too crazy to say that. No. I am not lying. If you saw me while reading it, you would know what I am trying to say. I laughed so much that people were gazing at me like a mental patient just out from Mental Hospital. I have never laughed for such a long time entirely throughout the book. 

Crazy mental patient
As you would know HM novels are-Adult (A) Category, obviously which includes sex. I know guys must have gone crazy with the word only but I am clearing it out. The so-called love making process made me laugh instead. The way all the scenes were described kicked my belly real hard. It didn’t give me the actual sensual feeling for once! *believe me*

Love Story
Its supposed to be a love story. And will remain one till the finish line of the race! I loved the way love is defined in here. Not too fictional or too practical, the best possible storyline to fit in with the characters and environment. 

Desert to serve
This novel is unpredictable for me at least. I couldn't guess what may happen next. The songs of late 60’s could make your day and on top of that try to multi-task reading and singing; will make the perfect icing on the cake. *yummy musical*
Last Line                                                                                                                                  Psychologically enthralled, emotionally driven and sexually yucky! 

Sunday, November 27, 2011

CINDERALLA CON NADA


Its seven in the morning, still in bed deeply merged in thoughts
along with hearing birds chirping, me playing with sun rays
my eyes are open far and wide, seeing everything
but my mind couldn’t stop thinking about you, my precious

Yesterday you meet with me in my dream and you were very happy
holding another girl in your arms, caring and loving her
so much so that it made me feel cold, deserted and wild
I really would like to be in her place and to be cared by you too

But I am not in a state to think, to be jealous or even feel all of that
because she is an angel descended from heaven with flawless beauty
and you are the gentleman; both of you’ll fit perfectly into a fairytale
Cinderella-with nothing is what I am in your fairytale world

Cinderella with no looks, no godmother and no glass slippers; nada
this chimney girl will remain chimney girl with nothing forever
nothing magical will ever happen in that tale for me; nothing valuable
my one and only valuable heart belonged with you; soy pobre!