Mornings and nights are moving in a circular motion. That’s
how I have felt for some time now. Waking up early mornings and going back to
sleep seems to be just a routine. Routine that ought to be followed strictly.
Otherwise, I would get a headache. If I sleep late in the morning my head would
start spinning and if I stay late than usual my head would burst with pain. Then
it gets unusual. And I hate it. I despise it in totality.
These days I am tired of everything. Good night sleep is no better
than it used to be. I feel restless all the time. Why? It is so painful to adjust
with every people and their terms, values and goals. Unwanted, somehow, I have
to be part of their so called lives. Like if I don’t follow accordingly, I
would become handicap or an orphan who has nothing.
I am IMAGINARY.
Yes, weird it may sound but I hardly learned to live in
reality. As delightful as the imaginary world is, the reality seem to be fake;
very fake indeed. People, they try to be happy which they aren’t. They overdo
things. Little moments, small events and tiny emotions are how reality feels
like. We wake up in the morning because that’s what all of us has been doing.
We sleep at nights that are also what others are doing. Its like we are living
but on ‘others’ demands. We do things also on others commands.
We say we are we
but every inch of you are made, build and run with others.
At those times, what I feel like doing is escaping the reality.
I want to be at faraway places where there are no people and their fake world. Then
someone inside of me talks. That would tell me, ‘Listen, what are you thinking
of doing? Its not possible to live solely. You’ll rot and die. Dying may be
okay for now but no one will know where you died or know about your whereabouts.’
That someone in the end gets me convinced and would win over me. And I’d be
again living in reality and trying hard to adjust myself. I know I’d hate it.
