Load-shedding:The tear shedder

Yes, the load-shedding made me cry and thank god it wasn’t a bucket full.

There was light and bulbs but no current running in my office which has been a major problem in Nepal.  We needed some copies of documents urgently so I flew off to a shop. So there it all happened. I waited half an hour and only after that, I had my papers photocopied. Around 20 people came and went with photocopied materials. I was the waiter who waited and waited till late comers completed their works and passed by with huge smiles.

I was angry and furious at the owner. Okay, Eckhart Tolle has taught me many things from his book A New World. At times like this when we are feeling low, we always need to think that other people are also suffering and they suffer like us. Try to be patient and calm because we are all working with egoistic mind. But Tolle must have come and see the situation I was in. Damnation! Can I not be furious and not hassle over what was happening and what was not? Aren’t I supposed to be a human who must be suffering too? Why should I suffer while others laugh at my suffering?

The thought grew with each passing minutes. The fighter in me aroused and my imagination got bigger. I wanted to jump high as they teach in martial arts and kick hard even though he was 6ft tall! And I wished to yell into his ear, ‘I need my materials photocopied’. Actually, I did or said nothing but stayed idle, feeling angry at myself and with him.

Finally, when my work got done, he pledged me not to feel angry! Rascal, try to be in my situation and try not to be angry, I said to myself. My anger turned me into a crybaby. As I walked back, my anger broke and my eyes dropped some salty tears. I was crying!

Well after 5 minutes, it became a laughing stock. Still not sobered from the tears hangover, I was slightly laughing at what happened. Was I too fragile to cry over such small matters? Am I too weak a person emotionally? I laughed thinking of my emotional behavior. There was nothing important lost for I have cried big. Crying and laughing calmed me down a bit. It may be because my tears were jammed from long cry less days. Apart from shedding tears while watching sentimental movies, it’s been awhile for I cried and I don’t remember when I last cried.

So folks, shedding tears could sometimes be pleasantry as well as relieving.

Late Confession,Left Unheard!!

Taking a step ahead to my new life,

As every time I lift my foot towards and away from you

Withholding all those bitter-sweet past memories

We had together my beloved, resists me to take another

All my friends say I could forget the past and you

But no one knows certainly that past beholds you

My girl, my soul and love of my life

How could I possibly lose you to someone?

I never wanted to leave you, let alone the idea

Leaving you is a nightmare of all

You must have heard me say I love you every day

I meant it for the every second of my life

I could never but I want to hold you tight 

To never let you go out of my sight

When I stretched my arms you are too far to be seen

Unaware, you are getting distant and more distant

I thought love finds its way but how come, love left mine

I have said little, talk even less but I don’t want to get over

Can’t you stay close so that I don’t feel cold?

Can’t you be my sunshine till I breathe my last breath?

That day...

Today you mayn’t look cool and smart, no you don’t

I don’t mind the smallest bit because I like you, you

Not your cool image but you

When you are cool you would be looked upon by many

And when you aren’t
I would be the only one who would still be looking

I thought it was just an attraction

That would pass by easily but my irregular heartbeats denies them

I thought it was just a feeling

That would fade away day by day but it is sure to stay longer

I thought it was just a crush

But your smiles, your smiles could melt stones and my heart already is

When I am reading books it feels like I am reading your mind

I love chocolates because it feels like I am sharing them with you

I sing to every tunes and melodies with you when I am singing

And my writings are all for you, only you, my dear

Could it only be called attraction, feeling or crush?

I would be wishing one day my clue

Gets you to your heart and says it is true

I will be waiting for you

And my heart is waiting and waiting

Wishing for the day, that one day,

One day my heart reaches yours

A New World

It has been late than usual, my body is tired, my eyes want some rest and my mind is willing to take some and its cold and I have got cold. I have been busy for some time now. I don’t know what I was up to neither can I reason the unreasoned. Quite many creations, imaginations and thoughts were summing up in my head for a long time nevertheless, I couldn’t write. I am not sure what the reasons were or are or will be. Finally, after a long time, I have found a good reason to write, trying to make you feel, experience and inspire a little.

I am seeing this stranger, average height, average looking who coincidentally wears black every time I meet him but someone who can be wronged as a person who takes drugs or he might be taking as I don’t know for he is a complete stranger. I am so amazed in the ways and situations we meet up.

And here is another thought that is killing me for ages is with this: We eat something and drink something which goes from mouth, reaches abdomen/stomach and finally ends up as shits and urines. Everything is clean until it comes out from the bottom part of our body and why we won’t, after all they end up being something smelly, untouchable and rubbish to us.

Now, now how many of you noticed my constant usage of I in the first paragraph. I was constantly using how I feel as a person but Eckhart Tolle has said that’s not me, that’s ego in me that’s doing and capable of doing both the thinking and talking. He is of course not my friend if you guys don’t know him; he is a well known spiritual writer famous for his book The Power of Now. I didn’t read it but I have been fortunate enough to read his second book A New World and it is a power package that may change you little or less than little but it sure will make an impression on you.

Why do you think the stranger ends up being seen by me alone and more than twice or thrice? The unanswered is yet again answered by him. First of all it is my ego secondly it is because I have been carrying him and his thoughts every time, everywhere in my mind which is my ego according to Tolle's word. That’s how he is seen.

Did you by any chance give a second thought to what my third paragraph said or did you feel like it is rather a common sense. Did you get to think why food is clean and eatable and shit is shit? Why shit is shit? Why shit isn’t food? Because that’s what word has influenced us well over centuries less in some and little more with others. Naming someone and something had been another source ego has developed, is developing and will be developing. It has created a mind set for what is good and bad, what are shoulds and shouldn’ts and needs or wants. All will get explained through his simple writing but intertwined intelligence.

Why relationship falls apart, why unhappiness comes by unaware while everything seemed to be good going and happy? So many questions will get answered. You’ll get almost all answer to your unanswered questions.  It is an amalgamation concept taken from Buddhism, Christianity and Hinduism. In short, it’s a spiritual book meant for everyone, young, adults and elderly, poor, rich, new and old. And as it says in elaboration, A New World -Awakening to your life purpose it talks and says more in whole 309 pages of its contents. This post is supposed to be a book review of A New World. I know it is nothing close to a review, leave it, its not a review from any points and angles but the reason I don’t want it to be like that is easy. I want you to feel and change a little by reading it yourself.

For me, it was a big shift towards change. I don’t prefer myself to be called ‘got changed or moved’ rather it provided me a huge sense of relief. I found answer to why I am the way I am. Every words, phrases and lines he has written, makes me want to read them again. I don’t own a copy of it right now but am planning to buy one for myself for further and future reading. Guys, all of you need to go through this book once. It might bring bigger change in and within you. Best of Luck!

BEINGNESS

Winter felt nothing like cold, today morning

nothing mattered even with cold and shivery winter

something warm in my closet will help me

to resist, prevent and fight against it

Nothing obscure will happen today

because I am being me, not I but being me

it feels content and be in beingness says, I am not happy

rather being me, being the being of beingness

Inspired by Eckhart Tolle (writer of A New World)