Your words can't heal the space of your bruises
and your love can't heal those pains and hurts
Days of cries and tears of mine
have made an ocean altogether
Just because it happened to be me
I would rather be me and comfort myself
I would smile and make myself happy
to shine along with the morning sun
Who stays by my side and who goes
won't bother me anymore
but I am sure that you are in that list of goers
who can't, who simply can't stay near to me
Time is time after all, it will tell
with whom I should be and shouldn't be
time did help me realize sooner than later
that you were never meant for me
Your words can't heal the space of your bruises
and your love can't heal those pains and hurts
Let bygones be bygones and let me tell you again
'You were never meant for me in the first place'
Walking to a new place every morning has become a routine for me. Unlike other days, I went with my friend, to a distant walk. It was all foggy and cold. Nevertheless, with our pace, we hardly felt the cold forcing us inside our very bones.
The destined location for this morning was somewhere far, remote and uphill. We walked starting from seven-thirty. On our return, we felt like we ought to drink our morning tea. There were lots of small restaurants in every hooks and corners available. We went to a small restaurant as our final choice. We really wanted to grab something to eat but not today, because both of us have forgotten to bring in enough cash. So we decided to leave with tea only. While he was making good cups of hot tea, my friend played music through her cell phone……
Then he was there, right before us. Just opposite to the restaurant we were having tea, working in a restaurant. Oh boy! A working man! From the good one meter distance, I can see that he was in his early twenties and good-looking. A man working in family restaurant wasn’t just an everyday sight to see. He was making ‘roti’ with his hands. Measuring the dough size and then shaping out for round rotis. His face didn’t show hesitancy. I kept on watching him make two to three rotis. He really didn’t mind to make some more.
The stillness of my body and the calmness of my mind tend to forgot what my friend was playing beside me, as if silence has silenced everything around us.
And he might have side saw us because he tilted his head little to our side and I instantly looked somewhere else. Gosh! My eyes were quick enough and my heart sank with relief. Again, I kept on looking and looking him with wonders and amazement. Just then, a woman saw us. And I saw she was looking at me in my eyes. Her eyes were talking, ‘How dare you to look at my son?’ So I put down my eyes with some guilt. After that I really didn’t dared to look at him.
This is a poem for me and for him happened on one foggy morning.
Many men may come across in your life
But rare, good ones are hard to see, find and get
The man you saw today is just a passing by stranger
Who would leave his imprints in your mind and heart
Her dream never came true! Spring bloomed and cherished with their closeness, togetherness and friendliness. Summer, autumn and winter went speedily. They shared their hidden secrets, personal emotions and true feelings with each other. Then there were all those regular talks on phone and they talked for so long so that when their friends wanted to call them, the phone responded ‘Busy Network’ so they were called BNC-Busy Network Couple. But they just weren’t love couple yet.
The time she knew him was late summer and now its near to spring. The colorful calendar next to her showed the month, February. The month of lovers and love finally was here. Her phone ring toned ‘One in a million’ when it was 00:01.
‘Hell-ooo’, she yawned.
‘I l-o-v-e you!’ answered an active voice from the other end.
It’s him she thought. I may mishear others’ voice but his voice is unmistaken. He has those compelling and convincing voice unlike any other men. It’s him! Him…….
‘Uh-uh……’ She was lost into those three words.
‘I love you. I know it sounds cheesy, but I am in love with you.’
She was totally lost.
‘Hey! Are you gonna kill me with nervousness?’
‘What? No! I mean yee-yess………..I have been in love with you. Unknowingly, I am madly and completely in love with you. I can’t believe what you’ve just said. Is it for real? I mean did I hear it right?’
Her voice trembled and shook little with joy. Joy-trembling voice.
‘Yes, that’s what I just said. I am ignorantly, childishly and crazily in love with you.’
‘I still can’t believe you said that.’
‘I love you. Dear, I can’t promise you to be there with you 24/7 but you can count on me as I’ll always be there right next to you when you need me. I can’t promise you with bringing down stars and moon for you but I’ll always try to bring smile on your face. I can’t guarantee you that we won’t argue but we will argue because arguments will make usstronger.’
After that call, she couldn’t sleep well. No, she couldn’t sleep at all! She was too happy to fall asleep and her bad dream never turned into reality. She was waiting fool but now she is not waiting. Her wait is finally over. She wasn’t fool after all to wait for the man who looked terrific in black.
‘Is it alright to feel that way? Waiting for a man she just knew; is my wait worthy?’ she thought.
He is a man who is par excellence for an average looking and a lost girl like her. He is too good a person.
‘Is my curious heart gone crazy to develop such feelings towards him? How well do I know him? One month on net and another month of talks. Am I moving too fast on the track?’
Lost in her thoughts, she thought of the times when she chatted with him on net and in person. He did look like a caring person.
Just then, her laptop made a tiny sound like ‘teed’ and showed what she has been wishing for. HE IS ONLINE! A “shocking surprise” is always nerve-wrecking for her: a time when you are thinking about a person and all of a sudden that person shows off. Her lazy waiting fingers typed hurriedly.
‘Hey’
‘Hi’
‘How are you? Long time huh?’
‘Yap, some private matters to be taken care of’
‘Good news to ring a bell?’
‘Hell, yes; eager to unveil the super good news to you, dear.’
Ooh, he wrote dear. She smiles to herself. Dear……….
‘I am ready. Go shoot your target to the curiosity me.’
‘The thing is…….I proposed a girl today.’
He proposed someone. Proposed? Proposed? He loved someone else.
It took a while for her to compose.
‘You there……?’
A minute of silence passed by.
‘Cuckooooooo……you there?’
‘Sorry. Extremely sorry, was busy with another thing. Wow, that’s a good news. What’s the response?’
‘Obviously…… yes. Does anyone dare say no to me? LOL’
‘True. No one will say no for a guy like you.’
‘Guy like me, huh? Say, if I proposed you, would you be accepting my proposal?’
I would have gone wild, crazy and mad all together if you have proposed me instead. Please tell me you got the wrong girl. Please let it be me in her place. Please let it be me….
‘Of course. As you said you are hard to resist. :)’
‘Its late. Got to go. Got some plans in the morning.TC!’
Late. How late was I waiting for you? Late and waiting, late and waiting………
‘Ok.Tc.’
She couldn’t sleep after that. She cried in low voice so that she won’t wake sleeping people. She sobbed. She cried all those two good years of tears. Two years of jammed tears. Oh boy! At that moment she came to realize that she hasn’t cried for two years. Two complete years! Thinking of that alone made her cry even more. She couldn’t sleep. When she was half getting into sleep after the long cry, she dreamt of him. In her dream he introduced her to his girl and talked all about her beauty and how wonderful she was. When she woke up, she cried and cried till her alarm clock rang thrice, waking her up.
Her clock showed 6:00. She checked her pillow case and it was all drenched and soaked wet, and has a terrible cloud shape. She was trying to gather up a little, she made her hair and looked in the mirror. Her eyes were red and wet from crying continually. Then she realized she hasn’t use Facebook because her laptop was in no-use state for 2 days. She smiled. It was just a dream. Bad dream and she must have cried in her dream. She was more than just happy because all her life, her dreams have never turned into reality. Not till now. Whatever happens, she said to herself, I will wait for him; for a man who commented on how beautiful my eyes were and for the man who looked terrific in black. I will forever remain his waiting fool…..
The same wait was yesterday. 1…….2………3…….. hours have passed by. 3 hours have swept without him. Without him, her waiting seemed like eternal. She waited like a hungry tigress for a prey. He never showed up nor did he come. On Facebook, she was hooked and glued totally. It was showing ‘he’s offline’ and no one can tell how much she wished if the blank space of unavailability changes to a green dot. And it was giving an evil laugh as if telling her that she has been a fool waiting and staying up all night.
It’s 12:01 on her laptop, a time that defines past and present as yesterday and today. She hates to stay late nights because she is too weak to handle the morning headache afterwards. She is a morning person. The wait for him; tonight and yesterday night meant everything for she is accepting the later pain. Waiting for that first man who commented on how beautiful her eyes were. He said, ‘You’ve got the most beautiful eyes, I have ever seen’. She hasn’t realized she has got beautiful eyes until his words hit her ears. For a man, who is just not her ideal type she is all ready to take the morning headache, waiting and waiting.
He has made her realize so many things and evoked a grand emotion called love inside her. He is enchanting, charming and mesmerizing. She has been waiting for the same man who looked terrific in black. She has been a big time pretender because whenever he is near she pretends ‘she doesn’t’ but in reality she FAINT and FALL completely when he is nearby. Her heart raced to win all other hearts. It speeds up so much so that sometimes, she got dazed and has to rest a little and breathe in air to calm. Tonight the fool is waiting for the man, 12:01 the clock read.
Her first meeting had an appealing impression. As if she is an expansive part, long lost soul. She liked her instantly. Everything about her explains how similar they were. Both of them; not too tall, fairly same age, fall under the same category ‘little-over-weight’, owner of good thick glasses and speak with almost no hesitation. It was like looking in a mirror and seeing an image. They were nearly alike in physical build. Nevertheless, the fact tells a different story. Both weren’t twins. Not even sisters or cousins. They were friends. Friends. Newly met and newer to each other’s world of sharing secrets and opening up everything. She is glad and very happy to have met Krystal.
Even though Krystal resembled Tisdale in many ways, Krystal was mentally and emotionally stronger. With divorced parents, she lived with her uncle. She told Tisdale that she doesn’t feel sad. ‘My father is remarried and my mother too got a second husband. I am good with my life. Moving ahead with no regrets. Love my life to the fullest.’ Her sayings alone win Tisdale’s fragile heart. She came to win. She is a winner. She admired her openness to every inch of her short hair. Tisdale is a single parent child, flawed and too messed up in random thoughts. She is lost within her whirlpool of thoughts. People say she is easy-going and frank, in a society where girls with sealed lips exist and shy ones are common in sight. It is her who knows that she is sad inside and she alone knows she is set in an unknown journey to find herself- the true self.
A place where people love to dance and sing happiness as much as they could but a slight unhappiness is just too much to be taken care of. People live and die second by second in that place. Can they survive? The two new girlfriends, newly met and newer to each other’s world, can they live alongside each other together to share more of their worlds? Do you think Krystal will win over everything like always or will Tisdale find her lost self before they have to leave that place?
